As a child growing up in a small rural town the idea of a church
denomination never occurred to me. There existed one community Christian church
in town and it was the only flavor for miles; so in my mind there were only
those who went to church and those who did not. The combination of maturing
into adolescence and relocating to a more urban area of course brought with it
an awareness that within Christianity there where multiple denominations each
believing their own teachings where the most in line with the truth. However the
idolatry of my self and desire to obtain those things that the world around me
sought after had lead me so far from my Father that I gave such things no
consideration.
When my brother Yeshua said He would neither leave us nor
forsake us His witness is true regardless of how untrue we may find ourselves
to be. I see His providence in the fact that He brought my wife of twenty five
years to me even when I deserved only His wrath. My wife like myself had come
to the Father as a child in a full gospel church but walked away into darkness
in her teenage years.
In the early years of our marriage my wife attempted to
return to church a few times, if for no other reason than to deal with the fits
of anger and hatefulness that I had become prone to, but it is hard to be
steadfast when your spouse is living worldly. However her prayers and tears
were not unnoticed by our Lord and one night my faith in myself broke leaving
me empty and alone. Messiah was there to bind my wounds and pour in His oil and
wine and shelter me by a price He paid himself. I did not tell anyone what had
taken place within me but my behavior change was evident and finally my wife
asked me directly “what is going on with you?”
My wife had been attending at that time a UPC church with a
friend of hers and upon finding out that I had surrendered myself to the Lords
will she asked if I would attend church with my family on the following Sunday.
I soundly informed her that I had no intention of attending a “tongue talking”
church since such a belief was silly and furthermore I was “saved” with no such
experience.
My wife was filled with hope and spent the entire ten hours
I was at work the next day finding every scripture she could to show me the “baptism
in the Spirit”. I found that the evangelical doctrine I was comfortable with
did not address these scriptures with any truly solid foundational arguments. I
would later find that the UPC fellowship would be offended by those things
which the evangelicals did have solid foundation upon. For those who would be curious I did come to
what Pentecostals call the baptism with the evidence of speaking in other tongues;
however eventually my UPC brethren asked me to no longer fellowship with them because
of things I believed.
This was the beginning of the cup which my Father has given
to me. Like James and John when this cup was set before me I saw opportunity
for myself to become someone of position and power as a man favored of YHWH.
However just as they had learned before me I have come to understand that the
only way to partake of our Fathers cup is to first take Messiahs cup and die in
order that the only life in us is the quickening of His Spirit.
The desire for the complete truth of YHWH has driven me
since that time. In the childish manner of my early spirit life I went from
church to church each time to find fault with wrong doctrine and refusal to
consider the scripture beyond already held beliefs. The amount of study and
research and fasting and prayer that I
poured into knowing what was right blinded me to the fact that despite my
learning the truth I was not living right or true.
In the beginning no one would have thought anything was
amiss, many Christians would have probably applauded my biting criticism of
many “false teachers”. It is not without reason that the scripture tells us to
not wander to the right or the left and that our eye must be single. The
scripture also tells us that there are those who are ever learning but never
coming to knowledge of God. I learned the hard way that learning the truth is
not the same as being one with and living the truth. It crept up on me slowly
like the proverbial frog in hot water; who does not realize the temperature is
rising until they are dead.
I have said all this that it might be obvious that my
subject is not just a theory but instead a truth that I fought hard to bend to
my will to my own hurt. In the end this unrelenting truth is without price.
In the end Yeshua will either say come or I never knew you.
On that day your personal definition of what knowing Him means will not
persuade your destination in the least.
Some say that knowing Him is a belief.
Some say knowing Him is a confession.
Some say knowing Him is a baptism in water.
Some say knowing Him is a spiritual manifestation.
Some say knowing Him is to be used by Him.
However the scripture says to know Him is to be one with Him.
Moses said if you
love YHWH your Elohim with all your heart, mind and might then you will keep
His commands.
Jerimiah prophesied His law will be written on our heart and
mind (not written by us but YHWH is the author and finisher of our trust, dependence,
and expectation.)
Yeshua said I and my Father are one and I shall be in you
and you in me that you may all be one and again He says if you have seen me you
have seen the Father.
Paul says it is no longer I that lives but Messiah lives in
me, that from faith to faith the righteousness of Messiah is revealed in us,
that those who knew not the law by their (new) nature do the things in the law,
and again that I am dead in Messiah and the Spirit that raised Him from the
dead now quickens my mortal body.
The author of Hebrews says not laying again the foundations
let us go on to righteousness.
The man we are inherent from Adam can learn what righteousness
is and by will worship for a time or season he can imitate the actions he has
learned but it is not his nature. His true nature will emanate out eventually.
The new man is inherent of Messiah will emanate the life of
Messiah. Amen
